The matrix of dating
Are Women Cut Out to Be Friends With Benefits?
How to Stimulate Demand in a Relationship Recession
Why Women are Hottest in Countries With Too Few Dudes
The online dating reboot
Dating As Extreme Sport
5 Steps to a Relationship Commitment
This One Thing Predicts Divorce With 94% Certainty
116Hannah March 25, 2011 at 1:13 am
and just to clarify, by “trying to fix it” I mean I dropping more hints that I’m interested. However, my friends say that I need to be super aggressive b/c the ball is now “in my court”…but I’m not wired that way!! Not sure how to put myself out there without making a fool of myself…or if it’s even worth it b/c he might be over it
117Susan Walsh March 25, 2011 at 7:34 am
@Hannah
That’s a tough one. It sounds like both of you are guarded and shy. Hard to know whether he’d give it a chance, but the only way you’ll find out is to express interest very explicitly. You could ask him if he wants to hang out sometime. You don’t need to be super aggressive – just make a friendly overture that involves the two of you hanging out alone. That way there’s no doubt that you are specifically seeking his company. If he says no, FIDO (f*ck it drive on). If he really is “damaged” by what’s happened, it sounds like he’s not ready for the risk taking that any relationship requires.
118Not pretty, really April 1, 2011 at 4:27 am
Well, I have been told I’m pretty, but I have to be told because I don’t think I am at all. Not from the way men treat me. I understand what she was talking about with men saying vulgar things. When you are pretty, don’t you get treated like you’re pretty? I had a female boss go on and on about how pretty she thought I was and how she couldn’t believe I wasn’t married. It makes me want to cry. Another person once told me I wasn’t using my looks right and how much better their life would be if they had my green eyes and curly hair. I went home and cried. They don’t understand that men just want to screw me and I think I’m really ugly because I can’t find someone who really likes me for me and wants to be with me.
I give up. I feel like singing Morrissey and Smiths songs all the time.
I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does…
119Susan Walsh April 1, 2011 at 8:07 am
@Not pretty, really
I’m sorry you feel unloved, or appreciated just for your looks. As you can see from this thread, you are not alone. In the contemporary sexual marketplace, the prettiest women lose out, because many men are interested in having as much sexual variety as possible. I encourage you to look wider, and harder, to identify men who are relationship oriented. Then you’ll have to provide direct encouragement to let any of them know they’ve got a shot. There are plenty of men who would like you for you, as well as your looks, but they won’t be the guys approaching you to screw.
You totally get bonus points for appreciating Morrissey, by the way. He’s a genius.
Are Women Cut Out to Be Friends With Benefits?
How to Stimulate Demand in a Relationship Recession
Why Women are Hottest in Countries With Too Few Dudes
The online dating reboot
Dating As Extreme Sport
5 Steps to a Relationship Commitment
This One Thing Predicts Divorce With 94% Certainty
116Hannah March 25, 2011 at 1:13 am
and just to clarify, by “trying to fix it” I mean I dropping more hints that I’m interested. However, my friends say that I need to be super aggressive b/c the ball is now “in my court”…but I’m not wired that way!! Not sure how to put myself out there without making a fool of myself…or if it’s even worth it b/c he might be over it
117Susan Walsh March 25, 2011 at 7:34 am
@Hannah
That’s a tough one. It sounds like both of you are guarded and shy. Hard to know whether he’d give it a chance, but the only way you’ll find out is to express interest very explicitly. You could ask him if he wants to hang out sometime. You don’t need to be super aggressive – just make a friendly overture that involves the two of you hanging out alone. That way there’s no doubt that you are specifically seeking his company. If he says no, FIDO (f*ck it drive on). If he really is “damaged” by what’s happened, it sounds like he’s not ready for the risk taking that any relationship requires.
118Not pretty, really April 1, 2011 at 4:27 am
Well, I have been told I’m pretty, but I have to be told because I don’t think I am at all. Not from the way men treat me. I understand what she was talking about with men saying vulgar things. When you are pretty, don’t you get treated like you’re pretty? I had a female boss go on and on about how pretty she thought I was and how she couldn’t believe I wasn’t married. It makes me want to cry. Another person once told me I wasn’t using my looks right and how much better their life would be if they had my green eyes and curly hair. I went home and cried. They don’t understand that men just want to screw me and I think I’m really ugly because I can’t find someone who really likes me for me and wants to be with me.
I give up. I feel like singing Morrissey and Smiths songs all the time.
I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does…
119Susan Walsh April 1, 2011 at 8:07 am
@Not pretty, really
I’m sorry you feel unloved, or appreciated just for your looks. As you can see from this thread, you are not alone. In the contemporary sexual marketplace, the prettiest women lose out, because many men are interested in having as much sexual variety as possible. I encourage you to look wider, and harder, to identify men who are relationship oriented. Then you’ll have to provide direct encouragement to let any of them know they’ve got a shot. There are plenty of men who would like you for you, as well as your looks, but they won’t be the guys approaching you to screw.
You totally get bonus points for appreciating Morrissey, by the way. He’s a genius.