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  • 201 Susan Walsh January 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

high self-esteem

Susan, this is like saying, “…the only reason why narcissists are successful is because they are narcissistic.”

No, it’s not, because narcissists are also defined by about a dozen other qualities, all unpleasant, which I listed in the article. If narcissists had no positive traits, they wouldn’t be dangerous. It’s precisely the fact that their initial impression is so positive that they are in a position to injure others, and of course, not experience the consequence of remorse.

P.S. Self confidence /= Narcissism

  • 202 Bellita January 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm
I’m sorry to hear that. :(
Bellita´s last [type] ..Read Along: Middlemarch, Chapters 26 to 30

  • 203 J January 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm
There is a school of thought amongst American Christian Homeschooling set that says babies and children are natural narcissists and unless you are lay down the law early on and show that you are the boss with strict discipline, they will try to run your life.

It’s not so much that babies and children are natural narcissists, but that narcissists are stuck as adults in a pattern that is healthy and adaptive for babies. I find the idea of laying down the law to a baby as really odd. They really don’t have a separate ego until 6-9 months and most aren’t able cognitively to make the sorts of associations that allow you to train your dog until 6 months. Most won’t stop what they’re doing in response to the word “no”until they’re 12-18 months old. Strict discipline is not effective.

My strategy with my kids was to just keep them safe until toddlerhood and then to proactively teach how to behave in small steps. My kids weren’t perfect, but they were tightly bonded enough to try to keep me and DH happy by meeting our expections and acting in concert with our family’s values. Later, they internalized those values. We don’t punish, but we’ve had very few real discipline problems with our kids.